Thursday, 10 May 2012

Big Black Hole

Just over two years ago I lost my sister-in-law to cancer and one of the lights of my life went dark. This morning I learned that my almost-sister, my very best friend, is strongly suspected to have leukemia. And the flat grey sky and cold wet rain just match how I feel. She is not only my rock and solace, but the centre and anchor for her whole large and extended family. I don't know what to do, how to be.

Well, not true. In fact, I can just imagine what my friend, the eternal optimist, the most courageous person I know, is saying and doing as she is shut into the cancer ward and subjected to a gazillion tests. And I know what she expects of me, too. If she could see me typing here, all grey and rainy, she would tell me that there are treatments for leukemia, that she will get through this. Then she would tell me a funny story about the hospital or something.

So, I will put my chin up and try to give her family some help. And stop the cold, grey rain from falling on the keyboard. Soon. Any minute now.

12 comments:

  1. I'm sorry. She's got a tough road ahead, but if she has travelling companions like you, she'll do alright.

    What I find sad is that so often, the real living doesn't begin until we can no longer deny the fact that we are dying. Love, not false courage, makes us stronger. Sense of humor a very close second.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mary, I am hopeful that you and your dear friend find your way. I know that you will be for her everything she needs for you to be as she navigates this difficult path ahead.

    Take a bit of a moment to feel the grey chill. I think too many people push away their feelings and deny the ones that may bring them sadness. We focus too much on constant happiness and are then ill-used to dealing with grief or hurt. Feel your feelings, acknowledge them, honor them, and then help your friend with all of hers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, that is hard, Mary. I'll be wishing strength and courage to you and your dear friend.

    You both so lucky to have such a solid friendship. It really matters to have people around you who care deeply.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Some things are hard, and it's okay not to be happy about them. In your own time you will rally and plough onward.

    ReplyDelete
  5. De, that's a real and hard truth. When I waste a day, I feel it. My beloved friend has always lived things to the full. And she will handle this.
    nance, it is leukemia, and if they can't get her into remission with chemo she has three to six months. I am very cold.
    Alejna, I hope I can lend her some support. AC, I am trying. Hard. I have a sad, sick kidlet at home with me today and am overdosing on Tom and Jerry. has to help.

    ReplyDelete
  6. oh, gosh. that's hard. a hug to you, and a fervent wish that it's easily treatable.

    ReplyDelete
  7. She's a strong lady, as are you. Sending our best wishes for her & the family & you guys as she keeps fighting.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Don't give up yet. Theres a lot can be done now that couldn't be done a few years ago.
    I sincerely wish her well and hope you feel better about it soon. Its not easy to see someone you are close to inflicted like this with a dangerous disease.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry about your friend/almost sister. But she sounds like one of my dear friends who is battling colon cancer. A never-ending amount of optimism and humor carries her through her treatments. I wish for your friend the same while she deals with this, so you can gain courage from her.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

    As it turns out, I am a healer that works at a distance. I am presently working from NS with someone with cancer in Ottawa - to good effect. My client here was just given an all clear PET scan. The doctors were shocked because it had been in her liver and chest wall. Your friend can find out more here, if she is remotely interested. I've been doing this for almost 20 years. www.janemoody.ca

    The reason I stopped by, was to ask your permission to use that wonderful photo of the tree you posted on your blog, for my new web site design.

    Once again, I am so sorry for these dark days. There is a chance though, that they needn't continue to be dark...I hope that is the case.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mary, I am thinking of you often lately. I hope you are finding your way.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Catching up just now, Mary, and I want you to know I'm thinking of her and hoping for the best. She has you to help you through whatever lies ahead, so she is in very caring, loving hands.

    ReplyDelete