Mulled Mind

 

A Facebook friend posted this meme: Tell me three things you like about yourself that aren’t ways you serve others. 

I answer these things. It is like popcorn for my brain; can’t stop thinking about it. And so, my answer was: I write well, I read voraciously and all the rest is housework. After I wrote that, I thumped off down the stairs to the laundry room where I dealt with socks, emptied the washer and did some ironing. After I ironed the shirts, I carefully ironed two flat sheets. And, since ironing is not an intellectually challenging activity, I was mulling over my answer as I shoved the steaming iron around.

You see, earlier that day the man in my life had informed me that he had taken his shirt upstairs. It had been a bit damp, he said, but not badly wrinkled. Since aforesaid shirt was one I had hung on the line to air dry before I ironed it (it’s Vyella*), it crossed my mind that I was surely not ironing those shirts to please him. He has said more than once that he is quite happy to wear them as they come out of the dryer. And as for ironing the sheets (and the pillowcases and the dishtowels), no one in the family cares and daughter two has even gone so far as to remark that I must be nuts. Oh, and I iron handkerchiefs. There is an excuse for that, well, two. Germs and the satisfaction of a neat pile in the drawer.

It is, I mulled, obviously my own satisfaction that I am seeking as I make neatly folded stacks of pillowcases or dishtowels. (I also fold the bath towels in three and twice more, so that they will make neat stacks, and I sort them by colour so that the piles match – hand towel beside bath towel.) The way that looks is the way it should be. Or, if I were another friend, The Way It Should Be. That’s how my slightly OCD mother did things. That’s how they are done. The husband should look ironed. The white tee shirts should not be inserted into the washer with the black undershorts lest they exit slightly gray. And, when these things are correctly done, I am satisfied.

But the question is, do I like this about myself? Liking is not satisfaction, exactly. (Mulling, more and more.) The rest of what I use is not tidy. My office cupboard and the desk drawers are A Mess. My drawers for clothing, ditto. These latter used to be tidy. Sorted by season and by colour and in piles separated by spacers, ditto the socks. Now I am just throwing the clothes in anywhere. I keep thinking I will tidy it, but to do so I will have to put a chair in the closet because I can’t stand bent over for more than a few minutes at a time. (That’s a fine excuse, yes indeed. If I had not let the drawers get into a mess, I could put things away in a few minutes and not have to resort to a chair.) So, I am not liking myself here. I am not measuring up to this ridiculous standard I have set myself. 

As I reread this, I found myself snickering. How about 'Tell me a thing about yourself that you find amusing'. 

As for the original answer,  for the writing, well, this is an example. The reading … is how I live and where I have my being.

*Vyella is a trade name for fabric that is 90% cotton and 10% wool. Ironed, it is warm and smooth and luxurious.