Friday, 24 October 2008

Scrooge has nothing on me

We get a weekly free paper delivered to our mailbox. I sat down after supper with it and started to page through the inserts and advertisements. Almost the first thing I found was a Christmas catalogue.

I am sure that with a little searching I could find many eloquent bloggers posting either in sorrow or in anger about the iniquity of starting Christmas in October. I may do the search, just to find some kindred spirits.

But what is really obnoxious about this catalogue is the range of absolutely, completely useless things it is promoting for the Christmas season. Oh, I don't mean the tree ornaments or lovely silky red bows, or the candles or the festive red tablecloths. Christmas would not be the same without those. But dip dishes with spreader knives formed into little reindeer heads? Bobble headed Christmas figures that spout jerky pop Christmas songs? Another catalogue that came through the door the other day has Christmas loo paper with tiny Santa heads on it. To wipe your bum with? Really?

There is another section in this catalogue displaying gifts for your loved ones. At a conservative estimate, ninety percent of the objects portrayed are something anyone could easily do without. The children's toys are Disney and dismal, the electronics over-elaborate and expensive, the kitchen section filled with large appliances that would overload the counter and whose function is easily replicated with a frying pan, a paring knife and a little patience. I'm not sure why I am going on about this as I am sure the same or a similar catalogue is in your mailbox too.

When these Christmas catalogues start fluttering in the door like dead leaves, I have a really reprehensible desire to make a large bonfire of them and dance around it, shaking my pitchfork. I don't do it, because burning coloured pages is bad for the environment. Or, we all know what people used to use the old department store catalogues for, after the newer one arrived. I'm tempted to emulate the practice. But my septic system would probably clog. And so I will make my usual bundle of magazines and trundle them off to the recycle bin at the dump. And hope that the predicted recession will mean that fewer of the obnoxious things get printed.

Grumble, grouch.


  1. I'm with you. Who buys that crap?? When people ask what we want for Christmas, sometimes I'm tempted to tell them, "well...we're running low on diapers. So could you pick some up in size 4?"

    I'm still waiting for the Salad Shooter and Chia Pet commercials to start up.

  2. I almost wrote a post a week or so ago about some of the crap catalogues that have come my way. Have you seen Hedonics? That catalogue makes me want to commit acts of violence.

    For the record, if you were to use the Christmas catalogues in the outhouse wouldn't that be the equivalent of having Santa printed arse wipe?

  3. Not as bad as having purpose made Santa printed arse wipes, surely? There's also a toilet paper roller that plays 'Jingle Bells', a toilet seat cover with Rudolph on it... I should be able to come up with a funny but caustic comment, but inspiration fails me.
    Yes, I have seen Hedonics. Hysterical laughter, tailing off to whimpers. On the other hand, who would not want an electric nose hair trimmer.

  4. i agree.

    but we do actually have a battery operated nose hair trimmer in my house. but if you saw how hairy my husband was, you would see it as a necessity

  5. i resent having to think about Christmas before um, december...thus i haven't posted my outrage b/c i refuse to contemplate the season at ALL.

    but Christmas toilet paper? i kinda like that. one could shit on Christmas consumerism all year round. :)