Monday, 25 January 2010

Twenty-five Steps to Better Procrastination.

1.) Allow yourself plenty of time. Procrastinating works best if you are not, quite, on deadline.
2.) Surround yourself with lots of other small jobs that look easy or fast.
3.) Play Scrabble, check out Facebook, check all email accounts.
4.) Get coffee.
5.) Re pile small, easy jobs. Consider which you will tackle.
6.) Drink coffee.
7.) Check Google Reader. Go and read someone whose posts are always interesting. Comment at length.
8.) Excrete coffee.
9.) Pull up Headings list to start Main Job.
10.) Go and get a sandwich and a drink.
11.) Start small job. Re pile others.
12.) Eat half of sandwich, drink drink, check email that just pinged in G Mail.
13.) Send several emails.
14.) Take plate and glass to kitchen. Get more coffee.
15.) Consider next step in main task.
16.) Check Scrabble game. Check Scrabble statistics and become frightened by the number of games won by your present opponent.
17.) Eat other half of sandwich. Wipe katsup off keyboard. Enter several headings in your topic list. Check time. Realize that it is one hour later than you thought it was. Lick fingers.
18.) Think about Cadbury chocolate fingers. Try not to think about Cadbury chocolate fingers.
19.) Return dishes to kitchen. Get chocolate fingers.
20.) Work on one heading on main task list. Find this is heavier than you want it to be. Rework heading list.
21.) Excrete drink and coffee. While you are up, change washer and dryer loads.
22.) Reheat coffee.
23.) Realize that you can't figure out what you have done to your heading list. Retrieve original heading list. Eat several chocolate fingers.
24.) Calculate how much time you have left to accomplish main task. Lick fingers.
25.) Panic.


  1. have small bowl of ice cream, email husband, read blogs, answer email, get drink from kitchen, stare at wall, take goofy pictures of yourself, post on blog, regret posting them on blog, check email again....

    Literally what I did in the last hour or so. :)

  2. I have those all down pat--I must be a proficient procrastinator. Love your instruction manual.

  3. You forgot: re-arrange all the books on your bookshelf in order of colour. Or the date you got them. Or size.

  4. Today I would sell mys soul to be able to procrastinate.

    Wait!!! What am I doing here?


  5. Why have more than just item #1 on the list?

  6. Hah, Jazz and Reluctant Housewife will be recruited for best selling book on Proficient Procrastinators. When I get to writing it.
    Nance, the more there is on the list, the better the procrastijob.
    "Procrastinate, procrastinate!
    Look at all the time that ate!"
    Loth, I did that before I started the list. I had to - had to find the table in my office.
    Kaye, thanks, but I don't believe you. You get two posts a day up, frequently.

  7. Ah, Mary, you are a woman after my own heart.

    What about "write post about procrastination"? That should surely be on the list.

    Now I need to spend some time thinking about Cadbury Fingers. And maybe check Scrabble.

  8. I've actually been amazed at how often panic turned out to be a... ok, maybe not a good thing, but it didn't turn out bad. Truly amazing.

  9. Finished assignment at 11:37 pm. Sigh. Yawn.

  10. huh.

    how'd you get inside my house, & my head?

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  12. Ha ha! I can't wait to retire so I can be a champion procrastinator like you!